why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
