There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
