A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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