the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
