My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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