So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
