My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
