Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
