had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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