I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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