I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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