ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
