I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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