My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
