The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
