love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
