i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
