I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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