You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
