I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
