I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
