Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
