he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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