Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
