If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
