No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
