I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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