I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
