We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
