I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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