White coat. Heels.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
