Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
