I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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