All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
