wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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