Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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