dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
