Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
