I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
