i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
