dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
