I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
