Can i not drive my cunt home
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
