he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
