I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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