I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
