It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I look better un-naked...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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