Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
