Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
