how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
