His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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