Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
