The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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