I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
