well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
