I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you win again, gameday.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
