Im at strip club and am horny
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
