giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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