Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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