i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
