You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
