You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize