Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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