smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize