woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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