Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
