I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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