so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
