if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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