I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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