I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
