What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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