Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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