i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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