my mouth tastes like poor choices
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
