Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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