I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
