I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
