I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize