...so i touched it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
