on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
