Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
