It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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