I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
