She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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