I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
