your thong is hanging out like whoa
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
40s are totally the cure
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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