i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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